12yrs gone by........Yet it feels like yesterday......Im told I should be over it...Yet I still have dreams that wake me up in a horrible mood...Told I should look at it as a good thing that we are alive.. yet everyday feels as a nightmare with the pain...I feel as if I have aged 12 yrs yet that horrid day is so vivid and it feels if it truly happened yesterday...Nothing will ever be erased from my mind as I sat there helpless and looking at my baby and wondering why..

I wish that he never have any pain or never has to feel any sort of discomfort that will slow him down.. He is on a path that is flying high..And I may be in the corner pushing him and guiding him towards an awsome goal he has.. I wish I could be more for him.. Wish I was able to be more patient with him..I would sit all day and go to the end of the earth to be there for him.. no matter how bad I may feel..

I sometimes wondere if that day had never happened where would we be now.. How differnet would our lives be.. The say everything happens for a reason.. I dont fully understand.. and even after 12 yrs I dont understand as to the reason why it was I that this happened to.. Was it to make me stronger?? Wiser?? more in tune with my family and my loved ones..? I dont have the answers.. I look at this person in this picture and look at all the flaws I have and all the mistakes I have made.. and just wish things were alot easier..

Im hoping that I can find closure this year and heal myself from this pain.. Guess only time wil tell